Weekly Weigh in and blah, blah, blah...lol

Weekly Weigh in: (This is my 46th week! 6 more weeks and I'm 1 year out!)

08/22/2011: 299.9 (first consult with surgeon)
10/06/2011: 284 (weight at surgery date)
08/19/2012: 216.8
08/26/2012: 215.6
Loss: -1.2 pounds in ONE week!
Total Loss: 84.3

Wow - I lost over a pound this week - I've very proud of myself! I only got to go to the gym once this week, because I usually go on Monday and I wanted to pick up my son from school on his first day to see how it went! But I was able to get in a really long power walk on Thursday! It wasn't supposed to be a 'power' walk, but it's starting to get darker earlier now and out walk home from karate class was really dark and I swear there was an owl chasing us, lol.

I promised that I was going to blog more often, finding time each morning when I get to work, but I just haven't had time. I usually walk in, get coffee and start checking emails - creature of habit, I'm afraid. BUT, I've broken (almost) all of my old bad habits, so perhaps I can change this habit into a good one.

Speaking of old habits dying hard, I've been back in therapy again the last few weeks. I really feel that it's helping me. I only have a few more weeks of free sessions, so I have to make the best of it! She told me about this book to read, which is helping with the negative feelings. It's called, "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr. David Burns. He's written several books with similar titles, so if you look into it, make sure it's the 'handbook' one. The Ph.D. has also been giving me some hypnosis therapy, with along with the other things, I'm really starting to feel better. However, one big thing I find myself doing is trying to keep myself really busy. Which, normally isn't a bad thing, but I'm almost done with school and I find myself signing up for something else that is going to take a lot of time out of my life. Damn it, I want a life! Why do I keep obligating myself to things that take so darn long to finish. I will be graduating from college (at 34) in December and here I am, saying that I will attend another certificate course, which isn't the hard part, but will require a ONE YEAR internship before I can put the certificate to use and make money. WTH am I thinking?! Perhaps an interesting man will appear in my life before then, and I can spend time with him instead of finding things to keep me constantly unavailable.

Anywhoozle, it's late on Sunday and I'm ready for bed! I had a ton of homework to finish this weekend, so I didn't get my time to get outside and sweat, so I'm feeling a little sleepy. I'm going to get a good night's sleep, and if willing, get to the gym tomorrow!!

Hope everyone has a good evening!!

Happy Monday and First Day of School!

Happy Monday!! Today was my wee man's first day of fourth grade! I can't believe he's a big, bad 4th grader!!
This post is going to be short - busy day today! Here's a collage of the pics from last year's first day of school and this year's first day of school! I'm wow'd by the difference!! I hope everyone has a great day!!

Weekly Weigh in and an Epiphany of sorts!

Weekly Weigh in: (This is my 45th week! 7 more weeks and I'm 1 year out!)

08/22/2011: 299.9 (first consult with surgeon)
10/06/2011: 284 (weight at surgery date)
08/05/2012: 218.4
08/19/2012: 216.8
Loss: -1.6 pounds in two weeks!
Total Loss: 83.1 pounds

The loss has been soooo slow lately! I'm starting to get really frustrated. I've changed my caloric intake and started working out more, but this past week has been a fail because my son has been sick. Some things just take precedent! Anywho, I'm 45 weeks out and have 7 more weeks until my 1 year Bandiversary! I wanted to be in One-derland by then, but I'm not sure I'm going to make it. At this stage, I'd have to lose 2.4 pounds a week and I just don't think I can do it! BUT, that doesn't mean that I won't try like hell to do it! The past couple of weeks have been eye-opening for me! I've had some old friends come back into my life, whom I haven't seen in years, and the positive compliments that I received from them, help to prove to myself that I've really done - I've come THIS far! My friends and family that have been with me the whole time, their words are kind and motivating, but to see someone that I haven't seen in years, well, their reactions speak volumes to my self-esteem! With that being said, there are 2 people, very near and dear to me (or at least are supposed to be) and they have NOT commented about my loss AT ALL! Not once in the last 45 weeks! And one of those two people is my very own sibling - my brother. But, like friends that I have had for a lifetime say, they never saw the weight, they just saw 'me'. Well, I'm not sure how, because that weight was me for so long.

Onto another subject, I've been back into therapy, just temporarily. There therapist that I had been seeing stopped taking my insurance, so I couldn't afford to go see her anymore, but my job has a program that allows me to see one of the Ph.D's on campus, so I have been going for the last 2 weeks. We are trying some positive reinforcement hypnosis. I'm trying to get my brain to catch up with my body. It seems to be helping some, because TOM is here and I'm still feeling pretty positive. I'm looking forward to a few more weeks of the hypnosis to see if I can 'catch up'. It's been a long time coming!

One of the friends that has come back into my life was a former supervisor at my former job. She retired years before I left, then moved away. She's back and is such a positive influence! We've had dinner twice and then we went out to a fairly new bar in town, which was a new experience for me. At our first reunion dinner, we decided that we needed to go out and celebrate our new 'found freedoms'. So, we planned to go out for a night on the downtown square with dinner and then dancing. The day we planned to go out, I spent hours going through my closet to find something to wear. I ended up wearing an outfit, that I thought was pretty cute! I took a pic, but it's blurry and does no justice! I wore a silver, shimmery tank (dress) that used to be a shirt, many pounds ago, but paired with a short jacket, it looked like a dress! Then I added some tight black leggings, to show off my awesome calves that I've been working on, and then my shiny black platforms shoes! I felt like a million bucks!! And when I walked into the restaurant, my friend was waiting at the door and she said that when I walked in, I was glowing! She said that I looked amazing! She has no idea how much that little comment helped me!

After we left dinner, we walked across the square to the new bar. I may have forgotten to mention that the bouncer at this club is a former 'friend with benefits' of mine. We have a long history together and he hadn't seen me in about 7 months. He wasn't at the door when we walked in, but as I walked to the bar, I made eye contact with him and he did a double-take. Then, while waiting for our drinks at the bar, he walked over and was almost stuttering while trying to talk to me! He said to me, "well, hello gorgeous!" and then hugged me and then told me how wonderful I looked, and then hugged me again. I introduced him to my friend, which they already know each other, but it's been years and they don't remember. But at that moment in time, I think I could hear my self-esteem growing. I'm really going to have to get used to the positive attention that I am receiving. I just want to stay grounded and make sure that I don't fall off the deep end, if that makes sense!

Anywho, I realllllly want to start blogging more often, because I feel so much better afterwards and all you ladies help to keep me in check! So, I'm trying to set aside 15 minutes a day for myself, first thing in the morning, and I hope to blog that entire 15 minutes. Fingers-crossed, you will be seeing a blog from me in the am!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, school starts tomorrow!! YAY!! I love the summer with my son, but I love it even more when school starts and I don't have to worry where he is going to be for the day, etc. etc. Every morning of the first year of school, we take a picture together on the front walk way in front of our house. I am excited for this years picture, to compare to last years, to see how far we've come!

Well, I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday and I will 'see' you all tomorrow!!

Peace, Love & Hugs!!

Weekly Weigh in and 10 Month Bandiversary!

Weekly Weigh in:

08/22/2011: 299.9 (first consult with surgeon)
10/06/2011: 284 (weight at surgery date)
07/29/2012: 219.4
08/05/2012: 218.4
Loss: -1 pounds in one week!
Total Loss: 81.5

First and foremost, I decided to change it up a bit and increased my caloric intake according to what the website said (see previous post) and low and behold, it helped and I lost another pound this week. I feel that I'm not as hungry and that I have more energy. I think it was because I was eating the amount of calories of someone who doesn't exercise but I was exercising like a madwoman! SO, lets see if I can keep the numbers going. I will keep you posted!

Secondly, today is the day before my 10 month Bandiversary, so I took some pics. I look at myself and I can't believe the transformation.

Also, as a present to myself for reaching 80 pound loss, I got some new ink. I wanted something small, straight to the point that would keep me motivated, to keep me going, but also reminding me where I've been. Whatcha' think?

MIA and Weekly Weigh In (2 weeks late)

First of all, I'm sorry that I have been MIA. I have been having a really hard time lately, and I didn't want to bring all you lovely ladies down. I'm still a passionate follower of you all, and while I don't always get to comment, I think of you all often. These last few weeks have been the most emotional during my journey. I've heard that losing a lot of weight can affect your hormones, and I'm hoping that is the reason for my temporary insanity lately, also hoping that it truly was/is temporary. The truth is, I've been heavy as long as I can remember. I've never had very high self esteem and I'm wondering if I ever will.

First and foremost, while I'd like to thank my ex-husband for my insanity, it isn't all his fault; it started long before he arrived. Truth is, him showing me the attention, that I was getting used too, was all in my head. I haven't had a boyfriend, or even a date, in almost 2 years. NOT that I need a boyfriend to be complete, I just haven't had much exposure to relationships lately...in other words, I'm lonely. I swore that I wasn't going to date until I reached my goal weight, because I didn't want some man stalling me in my attempt to become the new 'me'. Back to my ex, after my last post, I hid a few days and didn't say anything to him. Then, my son came home from his Dad's and told me that his Dad's new GF was moving in (ALREADY!) and I lost it. I seriously had a melt down. Not only had he been talking to this woman while trying to bait me, he had been talking to her long enough for her to move it!? WTF?! Well, I decided it would be wise to pick up the phone and tell him about himself - and then it happened. I told him exactly what I felt, even though I promised myself that I wouldn't let him know that I was feeling something for him - out come the tears. I cried and cried, while talking to him, and there I was, the fatty that I've always been, sitting in my big comfy chair, crying about a boy that mistreated me, but that gave me attention. WTF?! That night sent me over the edge and I was in a funk for an entire week. I went to the gym three times that week and walked the nights I didn't go to the gym.

During my weekly weigh in that week, I realized that I had stalled, again. The scale hasn't moved in two weeks and I have been busting my ass, logging everything that I eat, burning more than I eat, etc and still no change!? Is this as far as I will get? So, I'm wondering if the stalling is causing me to feel like the fatty I was, or is the feeling of the fatty I was making me stall? Either way, I have GOT to get OUT OF IT!!

This week, the scale finally moved, but not near as much as I was hoping for, because of all the hard work I was doing. SO, here is where I need your help. According to MyFitnessPal (momojj1123 - in case you want to join me), I should be eating 1200 calories to lose between 1.5-2 pounds per week - BUZZ, WRONG - Ain't working! So, HungryGirl sent out this email last week (directed towards me, I think, lol) about Diet Misconceptions, and while I"m not on a 'diet', there is a place to calculate how many calories you should be consuming, http://caloriecount.about.com/cc/calories-goal.php". It says that I should be consuming 1623 calories per day, according to my height, weight, exercise amount and goal weight, with hitting my goal by 02/01/2013. But then, if I change to wanting to meet my goal this year, it says I should consume 1373 calories per day to hit my goal by 12/16/2012, which would be the BEST Christmas present EVER!!! So, my question to you is, how many calories per day do you try for? Have you increased or decreased and seen a difference? At this stage of the game, I'm thinking I'll try most anything.

Anywho, now for something that will make me feel better (temporarily) and keeps me in check:


Weekly Weigh in:

08/22/2011: 299.9 (first consult with surgeon)
10/06/2011: 284 (weight at surgery date)
07/15/2012: 220.8
07/29/2012: 219.4
Loss: -1.4 pounds in two weeks! Boo - but a loss is still a loss!
Total Loss: 80.5

NOT Band Related - Just need to vent

Okay, I'm in need of a bit of a pity party here and I'm not sure why. TOM nearing may have something to do with this, but here goes. 

My son's father and I were married for five years; we separated just before my son's 4th birthday. My husband had been cheating on me with a waitress at our favorite restaurant, that we frequented, for over six months. Even spending the night at her house, she lived with her parents, while we were together - he was 'working all night'. He was a mobile locksmith by trade, so he worked several nights, all night, or so I thought. Anywho, we have been divorced almost 5 years now and since all of this time has passed and he seems to have grown above the level of pond scum, I was starting to see a different person. Well, for the last almost two years, he has had a live-in girlfriend and I was a-okay with that - she deserved him. Several months ago, there was a nasty break-up and he's been single for a few months. In this 'few months' time, he has been texting me constantly, flirting with me, telling me how wonderful I look, etc.etc. He's also been asking my out to dinner on the weekends that he has our son, etc. So, I was just starting to warm up to the idea that maybe, just maybe, something might come out of all of this. He was beginning to become somewhat human to me again. I've changed SO much over the last 9 months and I thought I was immune to his charm and that he was truly trying to chase me. Last weekend was our son's birthday party, which he paid for, and we had it together. We were there together and then we went out to dinner after, just he, my son and I. We had a good time and laughed like we haven't in a while. NOW, while I always told myself that I would NEVER go back there again, because he didn't deserve me, somehow I let the idea slip into my mind.

Well, this past week was kinda quiet, I didn't hear much from him, but I didn't think anything about it. It was my weekend for my son to be home, so we were having a great weekend, etc. Then, late last night, I get this text message from my ex. He says, "Just so you know, I've started dating a girl named Blah. I like her and spend a lot of time with her. That won't interfere with mine and JJs (our son) time but she will be around a lot also". BAM - I feel like I've been punched in the gut, again, by this man. Why, why, why do I let myself down like this?! I simply answered his text with "k". I didn't know what else to say. I don't want him to know that I'm hurt. He doesn't deserve me and still doesn't, so why does this hurt so much? I cried last night - cried hard. I feel so foolish. I haven't had a date, much less boyfriend, in almost three years, since the last douche bag that cheated on me; and now, here he is, getting another girlfriend. 

Ugh. Well, I now have a serious case of the Monday's and just want to go back home and go back to bed. But I will NOT let him win. I will just grumble around today and then go to the gym and beat the crap out of him in my head.

Sniffles...thanks for 'listening'.

Weekly Weigh in and Apologies

Weekly Weigh in:

08/22/2011: 299.9 (first consult with surgeon)
10/06/2011: 284 (weight at surgery date)
06/24/2012: 223.6
07/15/2012: 220.8
Loss: -2.8 pounds in almost three weeks!
Total Loss: 79.1

The last couple of weeks have been hectic. So many things going on in life and I haven't been able to keep up. First and foremost, there hasn't been a lot of 'movement' in many areas of my life. First, the scale hasn't been moving in the right direction and I seriously blame that on water-retention and the dog-days heat of summer. Secondly, for some reason I haven't been 'moving' as often as I used too and I'm starting to 'feel the pain' (TMI, I know, but where else can I go for such great words of wisdom than from you ladies!).

Also, the last couple of weeks, I've been losing sleep at night due to fierce leg and foot cramps. I've been drinking so much water, I can't image what it is from. I notice it mostly the nights I go to the gym.

Also, according to my My Fitness Pal, I haven't been eating enough calories! I've been using 1200 calories a day since my surgery and have noticed loss, most of the time. What is your average daily caloric intake? Am I eating too many calories or am I really not eating enough! I wanna see some more movement in the scale!

I've also had a NSV (non-scale victory) this week. While not trying to, really, I've managed to mow the yard and do yard work every weekend for the last couple of months. We've been getting rain every afternoon and I swear some days I can hear the grass growing, and we've had several coachwhip snakes hanging out in the tall grass in the backyard, so I've been keeping it short so my son can play in the yard without worrying about the snakes. (they don't hang out in short grass!) Anywho, yesterday while rocking on the porch, taking a break from the yard work, my Mom says to me, "You know, a year ago I was concerned about how you were going to take care of this place if something were to happen to your Father and I. I don't worry about that now because you've become so active in the last six months that I have no doubt you can take care of this place!". I wanted to cry - it was the sweetest thing my Mom has said to me in a while. Also, I heard my Dad talking on the phone to one of his friends and I overheard him saying how well I was doing with my weightloss and that he was having a hard time keeping up with me!!! My parents are not lovey-dovey people. To each other, or anyone for that fact. They aren't really huggers or praise-givers! So, to have these type of comments, even if not directly towards me, really means a lot to me!! <grin>

Welp, back to work! Thanks, in advance, for your input on the caloric intake and the,er, movement help!

Have a great week!!

PS - Reuben - I miss you like CRAZY!!!