Monday, August 29, 2011

Uncomfortable and Impatient

Those two words couldn't more accurate to describe me today. I had a busy weekend, doing some homework and lots of being outside-sweating, while doing yard work. I hope that counts as exercise, cause I sure was bustin' a move! I'm still having such problems with my heels. And I made an appointment with a foot doctor on Friday, and I know they are just going to tell me that I'm fat - which is true - but I've been fat my whole life, why are they just now hurting?

Also, I'm impatient cause it's only been a week since I saw the Surgeon, and I haven't heard from them about if my insurance has approved the surgery or not. I want to start my liver shrinking diet, but I don't want to start too early and then get burned out on it early. So I keep eating bad stuff, thinking I will just "start tomorrow" but tomorrow never comes. I'm feeling a bit discouraged and just want to go home and go to sleep! Ugh!

Happy Monday, btw.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Wii Fit

Well, back in February, I bought my son a Wii. (Cause Single Mom's can't always do what they want for their kids at Christmas, so we have to wait until Tax Refund season, so Valentine's day is big in my house!) Well, once I made the decision to get banded (hurry up insurance!), I decided that I needed to figure out a good exercise routine! I had heard lots of things about the Wii Fit and Wii Fit Plus and balance board, so I scoured the internet looking for a cheap one! I found one online and ordered it! It was delivered on Wednesday and we have had fun with it since! I actually got my parents to get on it and get weighed and their BMI's figured - wow, did they have an eye opener! We even weighed the cat, Jack! So, last night, JJ wanted to get in on the Wii Fit routine, so we weighed him - he's listed as underweight! Geez, he has to GAIN weight while I"m losing weight! But it seems that he got his (skinny) father's "genes", so hopefully, he will always be on the right side of the scale! The first night of Wii Fit:
1. I can hula-hoop good.
2. My Mom actually had fun.
3. My dad can NOT hula-hoop (he he he) and
4. Jack weighs 10 pounds!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Liver shrinking diet, afternoon

Well.....I will have to start again I tried one of the bars and I feel like the bottom of my shoe probably tastes better! SO, I ordered out for lunch (small salad), and just decided to start again tomorrow. I am on the hunt for some "good tasting" protein bars.

Liver shrinking diet

Well, I've started (hopefully) my liver shrinking diet in the hopes that I will get my approval from my insurance soon. I may not do this every day, but every other day to get used to it, so that when it's time to start, I can quit food cold-turkey. Yumm, turkey - lol. Anywho, I had a Muscle Milk shake on my way to work this morning - it was a 14 oz one - and think that that is just a bit much for that early in the am - I'm burping and feeling a bit nauseous.....but, I have 2 bars for later in the day and might actually eat a lunch, in stead of a bar, depends on my mood and hunger.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

YAY Ugh yay UGH

It has been a looonnnnnggggggggg couple of days.

Monday, first day of school for my JJ - lots of jitters for both of us. Monday was also the consultation appointment with my Surgeon. My Surgeon - I feel like I'm dating a Surgeon! HA - wouldn't that be nice! Any who, it went GREAT! I first met the PA - a tall, thin, buxom blonde, of course. She went through the ends and outs of the procedure. Showed me a rubber tummy. Lifted up my shirt and showed me where the wholes would be - lol. Then, she told me about all the different tests that I would have to have done: upper GI-ewww, check xray, blood work, and I'm sure there were other things, but that's when the surgeon came in! The surgeon is wonderful - he's handsome and friendly, and totally made me feel comfortable, which is half the battle. He did, also, however, make me feel like a big ol' fatty! With that said, he said that I was qualified for the band and that he would write a letter of medical necessity and as soon as the insurance company approves, then we will get "you a date!" (his words, not mine! lol) (told you I was dating a surgeon!) Anyways, after seeing both of them, they sent me to a dietitian - to talk about the 2 weeks prior to surgery "liver shrinking diet"! Wow - now I'm on the prowl from you ladies for a "great tasting" protein bars and/or shake. Do they exist?

Monday night, my son gave me a full report of the first day of school, which apparently was a great day! He loves his teacher (whew!) and can't wait to go back the next day! I sure hope it stays like this!

Tuesday - on schedule for the day - nice day, bariatric psych eval at 11 and then back to work. Well, the morning at work was crazy - not sure why, it just WAS! Then came time for my appointment. I went to my psychologist, whom I absolutely love - I don't know where I would be without her. Anyway, she went on to tell me that this eval is someone cumbersome. She was NOT kidding! She asked me what seemed like a million questions, from childhood until now. Digging up some things that hadn't been talked about, maybe ever! It was one of the hardest things I've ever, EVER had to do. She took so many notes of things that we "needed to discuss further in another session" - I think I'm putting her kid through college, I need so much help! So, with every question comes a long and drawn out thought, that reminded me of things of the past. I'm really having trouble with this. After I answered all her questions, one hour later, she said that she had a "few more questions" that I needed to answer on my own, with an evaluation. Two of them weren't bad at all, 10-15 questions each - and then there was the baddest mama-jamma ever - 450+ questions!! Well, not really questions, more like statements and you had to answer true or false - like way worse than any standardized test I had to take in school! Well, 45 minutes and 10 wet tissues later, I'm all finished and on the way out the door! AND I have to go back to work - where it is STILL busy for some reason!  I feel like I had this dark cloud hanging over me.....I still do, really.....

Now we are up to today. I didn't sleep good (not unusual!), I woke up hungry (again, not unusual), but I feel like I have this bad attitude. I'm anxious and irritated, I just want to take a mental health day and go sit in a rubber room for a bit! I hope no one asks me what's wrong today...I might just explode! I'm calling right now to make another appointment and telling my Ph.D. that this one ought to be free - for clearing up all the fuss over those durn questions......well, I think I'm done for now. Thanks for listening.

Also - don't forget to send me the names of those "great tasting" protein bars and shakes....I wanna get started!


Monday, August 22, 2011

QUESTIONS for all you Post-Band Ladies!!

1. Hiccups? Do you get them? if so, do they hurt? I seem to get hiccups more than "normal".

2. (This one is really personal!) BM's (bowel movements) - are they normal or are you projectile? I have IBS, another symptom of the Fibromyalgia, and I would love for that to go away!

3. Is there anything you CAN'T do, that you could before?

I know that there are more, but that is all I can think of for now.....thanks!!

Loonngggg weekend!

It's been a few days since I've posted anything. This past week, we had family in from out of town and we were busy shuttling them around and showing them a good time. We went to an ancient Indian Burial ground and they had this temple mound that had like a million stairs to climb! Well, I climbed them, but when I got to the top, I was very winded and felt like I was going to pass out! I hate feeling like that.....I keep telling myself that that will change soon....I hope I'm not kidding myself!

Then, this weekend, I had been busy getting JJ ready to go back to school today! He's a big bad 3rd grader now! Whew - where has the time gone. Of course, this morning we took our annual first day of school pics and of course, I'm not happy with my picture - I honestly think that photographs put on a few pounds!

Anywho - today is my surgery consult and I'm a nervous wreck! I'm trying to write down all the questions that I can think of. (And there are a few that I want to ask you guys and I will in a separate post!).

Wish me luck! I will post as soon as I get back from the Doctor!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

First support group meeting today!

Well. Today. Sucked. I feel so sore, like I've been beaten. I guess this is prolly what the day after surgery feels like. Well, I'm getting ready to head into my first support group meeting. Hoping to get some real insight.

WOW - I just got home from the support group meeting and wow again! I met some pretty amazing women! It was a small meeting, just about 5 or 6 there, but there were two women, post-op, who had (almost) nothing but positive things to say! I am so thrilled and now super excited for my consult on Monday - T-Minus 6 days and counting. (It also happens to be the first day of school for my son, so we are all excited!)

Monday, August 15, 2011

Seven days and counting

Well, today was.....interesting. After eating all of my "favorites" this weekend, for some reason, I couldn't sleep last night. Probably all the guilt that I felt from eating so badly. Well, enough about that. That was yesterday, today is a new, much better day. I did much better today. Any who, work was great, afternoon was great, took my son to his Karate lesson - he's so cute! And if I could do this, I'd never leave home:

And then, when I got home, I had to go out and get the eggs from the chicken coop (yes, I forgot to mention that I have 3 wonderful little hens that give me around a dozen large, farm fresh, organic brown eggs a week!) and was walking back in my house ( in wet, no-tread Crocs) and I slipped and fell and totally busted my ass. Let's just say that the linoleum doesn't give much cushion to the concrete floor below. Yowza am I sore! Know what's worse than being a 33 yr old big girl? A 33 yr old big girl on the floor! I have bruises already starting on several places on my body! Grrrr.....time for a pain pill and hit the bed!

Seven days until my consult!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Today is one of those days.....

...Ugh. Today is one of those days...
I am fully engulfed in PMS and feel like I'm dying, slowly. I couldn't get out of bed this morning - the pain was so bad. I finally dragged myself out of bed and went to get dressed....and of course, everything I put on was tight - not a little tight - but a LOT tight! UGH! I really hope that my surgery consult goes good and I can get a surgery date soon....I'm tired of the pain with "no gain". 9 days until my consult!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Thought of the day

"Perhaps it is even more important to know what one should not think about than what one should think about." ~ Leo Tolstoy

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Theme Song....

Does anyone out there have a theme song? Like a fast little song that gets your heart pumping - that gets you pumped up about your journey? I've had several theme songs during my life, during my divorces, my pregnancy, etc....I feel that this chapter in  my life definitely needs a theme song.....any suggestions are great appreciated!!

Consult Date

Ok, well, I have been doing some thinking, again. I feel that I need to consult with a different doctor than the one that was in the seminar. After all, I was discouraged after the seminar, why would I go back. SO, I called to see if there were any other surgeons in their office with more experience, etc with any appointments in the near future. Come to find out  - there is! So, my appointment is in less than 2 weeks, with Dr. S - who has been operating a lot longer, and has done more bands and has more experience overall. I read some of his reviews and people just RAVE over him and his methods. SO - I have made, yet again, another better decision for my life! Wow - this just gets easier and easier! So, T-Minus 11 days until my consult! It's Monday, Aug. 22 at 1pm.

I've also found that this same "Obesity Center" has support group meetings on the 3rd Tuesday of every month, so I'm going next Tuesday to talk to some of the "bandits" about their experiences! I'm getting excited!
Thought for today: "The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the buts you use today." ~Les Brown

About Me

I am 34 years old. I have been divorced, twice. Once, married right out of high school and divorced not long after. Then married again in 2002, and divorced again in 2007.  I have a wonderful son, JJ, who just turned 8. His is the light of my life. He is ADHD and full of creative power. (he's a whole 'nother blog!)

My jobs: I am a full time mom. I am a full time daughter (we live together with my parents!). I work full time at a local Florida University. I drive 70 miles/90minutes a day to work - a job that I LOVE! I am also a full time, online, college student. What was I thinking? My free time (ha! what's that?) is scarce.

Medical history: I have been overweight since I was about 7. Both parents are over-weight, diabetics (dad is insulin dependent), hypertension, etc. My grandparents were all diabetics. I was in two auto accidents over 10 years ago, and with my weight gain and pain from the accidents, the doctors have told me that I have Fibromyalgia. I, also, don't sleep. I recently had a sleep study conducted and they told me that I don't have a sleep apnea (whew!), but that I don't sleep - I don't get to REM because of the chronic pain. And I suffer from horrible depression. It started back in middle school, but my parents didn't really believe in depression, so it was just brushed off as "hormone changes". Then when I gave birth to my son, the postpartum really kicked in and then I got some help. But even with being on meds for the pain and the depression, I just can't seem to get any relief. I hurt, all the time. I cry, a lot. There are days that I can't get out of bed. My son is the only thing that keeps me going. Well, before I start sobbing, I will stop with that. I think you get the full picture. All of the above reasons, plus ME, are the reasons that I am starting this journey!!

Wow - I can feel the love!

I was so overwhelmed with emotions when I checked my email this morning, for several reasons. First of all, I have followers! Lots of beautiful people, who feel just like me! I am so grateful for all of you and feel confident with my new cheer leading squad!! I feel blessed. Secondly, along with all the notifications of followers, I also had SEVEN (yes, 7) emails with coupons for food - 2 steakhouses and 5 pizza joints. I promptly clicked on the unsubscribe button on each of those suckers! Ain't nothing going to hold me back - especially no "food porn" as the LBG calls it! (I love that!)

Also, in regards to my first post, I wanted to elaborate as to why I felt so discouraged. I was so thrilled while pulling into the parking lot of the medical arts building of the hospital. I was thrilled when I found a prime parking spot. I was thrilled when I found the room on the first try. I was thrilled when I walked in and there were at least a dozen other people, JUST like me! And then the Doctor walked in and started his spiel. Which, was not overwhelming by any means. The surgery sounds very do-able! It's the questions that people starting asking...and then it was a LOT of what you can't eat - NO steak - EVER! No bread - EVER! And the list continued - I began to feel this knot in my stomach. All I was hearing was NO, NO, NO.....if not, then what CAN I eat? OMG - What if I can only eat mush for the rest of my life?!

And to be totally honest - I was premenstrual and looking for excuses why I couldn't have this surgery so that I wouldn't have to "give up" my life of food. It didn't hit me until the next day that food is just energy. And, to be honest again, I really hate food. I hate having to decide what's for dinner, and what I can eat, etc. I usually end up with the dollar menu of some fast food joint, and I  HATE that.

So, after a lot of soul searching and thinking (and thinking), I've decided that THIS is for me! It's been a long darn time since I've done something for ME! (with that said, I will post again in a few, with a little background about me - so you can get the full picture!)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Decision

Pondering. I'm still pondering. The list of endless possibilities.

I went to my first seminar this past Monday. I was very discouraged. All I heard was what I couldn't do. Perhaps it was the beginning of the "moon in my cycle" that made me do it, or the fact that our A/C was broke at home, but I was just plain out "put-out" when I left the seminar. Luckily, I had stopped at McD's and had a cheeseburger and french fries waiting in the car to comfort me. And then it hit me - DUH.

So, I opened my mind a bit and starting thinking. And thinking, and thinking, and thinking. I did a little research and then I thought some more.

Today, August 10, 2011 - I called and made an appointment for a consultation with a Surgeon. A Bariatric Lap-Band Surgeon. MY Surgeon.

Let the games begin.

My Loves

My Loves
JJ and Jack!