Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Emotional Roller-Coaster - Stop the World, I want to get off.

Please forgive my absence. The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster ride. I'm not sure why the last couple of weeks have been more emotional than the others, but I've been having a rough time. First, with getting stuck more often than before, really puts me in a Debbie Downer mood. Work has been crazy, with lots of emotions there. Then, there are the 5 Classes and 120 hour Internship that I am doing for school, which while this is my last quarter, with just over 8 more weeks until I graduate, I'm not sure that I'm going to remain sane the entire time.

Also, I have a few friends, well, really one in particular, that is going through a really hard time right now and while I'm (usually) always there for her, I feel that I cannot be there right now. We had a huge blowout and my feelings were really hurt and I can't seem to move past it. Then, I have a dirt-bag ex-husband that finds ways of making my life miserable, as well as a co-worker with the same traits. Then, I have my son, who while he is the apple of my eye, he's also the ulcer growing in my stomach. He is having a hard time in school, and I feel to blame, because I'm so busy with my work and school work, that I feel that I am not giving him the time he needs and deserves.

I'm also trying to train for a 2 mile run, and I'm just not progressing like I thought I would/should. I'm dying after only a few minutes and can't seem to get any better.

Anywho, while trying to make it seem like everything is fine and dandy on the outside, I feel that my soul is dying a slow and painful death. However, with that said, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, most days. I have come a long way and damn it, nothing is going to stop me now. I have just over 8 weeks left until I finish school (12/16), just over 4 weeks until my run, just under 6 weeks until my birthday, which is when I hope to hit 'One-derland'. Then, as a graduation present, I'm going on vacation to the mountains for an entire week. We rented a cabin in the mountains of NC, across the street from a river and I plan on fishing that river everyday with my son and hope and pray that the time together will make up for the previous 11 weeks before hand, during my insane last quarter of school.

On the upside, I have a (fairly) new friend that isn't a close friend, but close enough that she can 'see' what I'm going through and seems to know exactly what to say and when to say it, to keep me going. She has only known me since I started my Lap-Band journey, so she only knows the current struggles that I've been through, but there is just something about her that makes me smile.

Well, enough pity party for one day; I'm off to finish some homework. I hope to do an official weigh-in this weekend, followed by an update of how my running is going - hopefully, it will be a cheerier post than this one.


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happy One Year Bandiversary to Meeeee!!!

I know that it's been like forever since I've posted and I am truly sorry about that. The last few weeks have been rough. I've been getting stuck a lot and hadn't quite figured out why. I did the liquids and mushies for a week and seemed to be better, but then I had a few bad days and I was back to being stuck again. I've determined that when I have a bad day or two in a row, I need to take it easy for a few to make up for it. Between my ex and money issues, stress is plentiful these days.

Ok - back to the positive! I haven't 'officially' done a weigh in, but I HAVE been keep track on My Fitness Pal (momojj1123) if you want to 'follow' me! I also have started preparing for a 'marathon' (2 miles, not 26) but it's the first time I've EVER considered running while not being chased by something! The University that I work for has a HUGE Homecoming Parade and they have a huge 2 mile run that is in front of the parade, so I signed up for that, with one of my former students who as been instrumental in  my entire journey, and we are both at the 'same' starting point. We are about the same height and now weight and have both started the C25K program to help us with the 2 mile run. After that, who knows, I might go for the 5k next!

Also, as you know, I take pictures every day on my monthly anniversary (day before or day of) of my surgery and so I took some and they are posted below. I was AMAZED at the difference. Anytime that I feel down on my luck or didn't lose much or I lose hope of the end results, I look back at where I came from and it just renews my since of being! That's the ONLY way that I look back!!

Thank you ALL for your support over the last year, you all are amazing and I wouldn't have been as successful without each and everyone of you and your kind words. I read all of your blogs daily, and while I don't comment often, now that the interface has changed and I can comment while reading them on my Kindle Fire, I will be commenting more!!

One more thing, I just started my last quarter of school - 5 classes and a 120 hour internship - all in 11 weeks, not to mention the typical every day duties: full time job, single mom, parents live with me, etc!! YIKES!!  I should probably just stick to liquids for the next 11 weeks, cause I'm sure I'll be sinking in stress!

BTW, Congrats Reuby! I can't wait to see the ring!!

also, check back tomorrow for my 'final' 1 yr weigh in and measurements - I just got back home from being at an out of town conference for work and I'm wiped!


and ONE more just to 'bring it home'

My Loves

My Loves
JJ and Jack!