Monday, July 16, 2012

NOT Band Related - Just need to vent

Okay, I'm in need of a bit of a pity party here and I'm not sure why. TOM nearing may have something to do with this, but here goes. 

My son's father and I were married for five years; we separated just before my son's 4th birthday. My husband had been cheating on me with a waitress at our favorite restaurant, that we frequented, for over six months. Even spending the night at her house, she lived with her parents, while we were together - he was 'working all night'. He was a mobile locksmith by trade, so he worked several nights, all night, or so I thought. Anywho, we have been divorced almost 5 years now and since all of this time has passed and he seems to have grown above the level of pond scum, I was starting to see a different person. Well, for the last almost two years, he has had a live-in girlfriend and I was a-okay with that - she deserved him. Several months ago, there was a nasty break-up and he's been single for a few months. In this 'few months' time, he has been texting me constantly, flirting with me, telling me how wonderful I look, etc.etc. He's also been asking my out to dinner on the weekends that he has our son, etc. So, I was just starting to warm up to the idea that maybe, just maybe, something might come out of all of this. He was beginning to become somewhat human to me again. I've changed SO much over the last 9 months and I thought I was immune to his charm and that he was truly trying to chase me. Last weekend was our son's birthday party, which he paid for, and we had it together. We were there together and then we went out to dinner after, just he, my son and I. We had a good time and laughed like we haven't in a while. NOW, while I always told myself that I would NEVER go back there again, because he didn't deserve me, somehow I let the idea slip into my mind.

Well, this past week was kinda quiet, I didn't hear much from him, but I didn't think anything about it. It was my weekend for my son to be home, so we were having a great weekend, etc. Then, late last night, I get this text message from my ex. He says, "Just so you know, I've started dating a girl named Blah. I like her and spend a lot of time with her. That won't interfere with mine and JJs (our son) time but she will be around a lot also". BAM - I feel like I've been punched in the gut, again, by this man. Why, why, why do I let myself down like this?! I simply answered his text with "k". I didn't know what else to say. I don't want him to know that I'm hurt. He doesn't deserve me and still doesn't, so why does this hurt so much? I cried last night - cried hard. I feel so foolish. I haven't had a date, much less boyfriend, in almost three years, since the last douche bag that cheated on me; and now, here he is, getting another girlfriend. 

Ugh. Well, I now have a serious case of the Monday's and just want to go back home and go back to bed. But I will NOT let him win. I will just grumble around today and then go to the gym and beat the crap out of him in my head.

Sniffles...thanks for 'listening'.

5 comments:

  1. Go to the gym and blast those angry tunes and sweat out the pain ~ you will feel better and be better for it in the end. We all fall back into old patterns from time to time - just dont beat yourself up - onward and upward!

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  2. Sorry to cuss ... But fuck that guy. He is your son's father and it's great you have grown to get along, but really? If you can limit your interactions... Sounds like he wants his girlfriends and his wife.

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  3. oh honey!!! I feel for you...that must have been hard to write. You deserve to have someone treat you like you are the most special person in the world...because you are...there is someone out there for you, you just need to meet him. Keep on doing what you are doing but maybe your mind is telling you that you are ready for some companionship.....leave the old men behind and find yourself a new hottie! You can do it!

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