Rant - PMS alert!!

I'm not sure if I'm just over sensitive, but I have a bone to pick with people. Not any of you wonderful ladies, of course, but other people. Why does it seem that big girls are INVISIBLE?! I've worked so hard to lose weight my whole life and I finally made to the decision to be banded. I've been banded almost 2 months, lost 32 pounds and 13 inches, but yet I'm invisible?! I weigh 267 pounds dammit! I'm NOT invisible.  Where am I getting this from? let me break it down for you: I was on my lunch break/mile walk around campus and I'm walking on a, roughly, 4 foot wide sidewalk and these three guys get out of the car and start walking in my direction. Well, I've got my ear buds in, jamming to my tunes, and I look up and the guys are walking three-wide, with no room for me to get by, but I'm still walking, thinking one of them will move so that I don't have to step off the sidewalk, into the ROAD to go around....NOPE - NOT ONE OF THEM DICKS MOVED AND I HAD TO STEP INTO THE STREET TO GO AROUND. WTF?! If I was this skinny blonde, with a mini skirt on, they probably would have dusted off the leaves for me. I just wanted to start screaming at them, but I just kept on walking....and then I started crying. WHY?! Why am I crying? I'm crying because I'm wondering, "DOES THE FEELING OF BEING INVISIBLE EVER GO AWAY?"

Well, needless to say, when I got back to my desk, I called and made an appointment with my therapist and a personal trainer. Both will help, in time.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Back to work....

Another rough week!

Wow. I am ready for a break. I've had yet another rough week. First of all, let me go back to last week, since it's been over a week since I've blogged. Last week was a short week. Wednesday, the 23rd was my birthday. Not a big deal, but my co-workers made my feel special. It was a half day at work, so I brought my son to work with me. We then went to lunch and shopping. It was a good day. Then, Thanksgiving came. We had a small scale Thanksgiving, having only a Turkey Breast, instead of the whole turkey. And we made smaller versions of our favorite things, just so there wasn't a lot of leftovers sitting around, which was nice. All my Mom's idea and I appreciate her for that. So, I had Thanksgiving Dinner, twice. Neither time was terrible, I didn't over eat, I didn't feel like I wanted to take a nap immediately afterwards. Nothing like last year.

Then this year, after Thanksgiving, we had our Third Annual Black Friday Yard Sale. We made over $500 - so worth the trouble. But I believe that I used every muscle in my body, four times, getting ready, closing up, getting ready and then finishing up. We got rid of all the "big stuff" and just have some of the little stuff left. All in all, it was a great success. But, it wore me out. I'm still exhausted. I slept in on Sunday, which made things worse, and then I've just been in this funk. I weighed earlier in the week and I had gained 1.8 pounds, then I weighed again on Sunday, my normal weigh day, and I had lost 1.2 pounds, so technically, I only gained 0.6 pounds over the last week - but I'm not really surprised cause of the turkey, etc and the pecan pie, which I only had a sliver of. Kinda frustrating, but it's better than I thought it would be.

Well, it's Monday now and I have a serious case of the Monday Blues, after a long holiday weekend. I'm ready to get back on track and bust my butt losing again. On another note: I work at a large state University and at the end of each semester, we take pictures. When I looked back at the Spring pictures, I was shocked. The difference in the pic from the Spring and the one taken today, well, I'll let you be the judge:

(and yes, I am wearing the same outfit ) I'm just 7 1/2 weeks post op - I like what I see!! :-)

Weigh in Day

I'm a day early, but I've had a rough week and wanted to see how much I had gained or lost. This week has been a week from hell. From my first fill being a bad experience, to work really running me through the ringer and life in general - it's coming close to my birthday and Thanksgiving, which are a day apart this year, and having lost so much family in the past 10 years, the holidays just aren't what they used to be and that makes me sad. This year, I will be celebrating life instead of mourning death. Everyone that has already passed is in a much better place now and no longer hurting. Ironically, I too, am in a much better place and no longer hurting also - with my weight loss! It's amazing how I feel. My weigh in today has me down to 267.6 for a loss of 2.4 this week which puts me just under 32 pounds lost!!  WOOHOO!!!

I've lost 25% of my goal!!!!

UPDATE - Sunday, Nov 20 - I weighed again, on my actual weigh-in day and I was down another .7 pounds which makes for an even 32! YAY!

My Port is no longer a virgin!

Well, Happy frickin Monday! I didn't sleep well last night, prolly cause I was so nervous about the fill, with good reason, I can say now. My appointment was a noon, so I was afraid to eat anything, as I didn't want to get sick. I have read of many fills and I knew what to expect, but I didn't KNOW what to expect. Does that make sense?
Well, my first fill experience was not a real good one and I hope that the next time it's better.

I get to my appointment and the PA and the Doc are happy with my weight loss!! Yay for me! Then, my loving doctor said that since it was my "first time" that he would walk me through it. So, he lays the table down and I feel like I'm on my head. Then, he tells me to push my stomach out like I'm pooping....LOL....what a way to ruin the moment. Ok, sorry, moving. So - he gouges pushes really hard around my port area trying to find it. He says, there it is and then gives me a shot to numb the area. Well, after I'm numb, he continues to push and push and then he stabs sticks the needle in - MISS.....and again....MISS....and again....MISS....well, there is a hematoma under my port...and there is blood there and apparently there shouldn't be. Well, he numbs again (cause I could feel the needle this time) and gets a new needle and tries again.....MISS.....and again......MISS....and then he explains to me the way that they do it at the hospital and that I will have to go there and have it done under an x-ray....at this point, I'm so lightheaded from "staying still and relaxing" that I feel like I'm going to pass out or cry or both....then he says, one more try and BAM - it goes it....whew! SO, he fills up my band to the top and then makes me drink water and then slowly releases it out until I feel human again. lol - it wasn't the bad, the finding the port was the hard part.

So, in the end, he only put in 1.6cc, but he told me not to focus on that number, it's just a number. Well, I got up from the table and my legs were like Jello....so, I make my way to the door and out to my car. No tears. I was so proud of myself. But then, the headache started - felt like a hang over!! And now, on liquids and with a sore tummy, I still have a headache!

On another note, I came home from picking up my son from school and decided to weigh - I know, totally against the rules.....well, it said that I was down 1.8 pounds from yesterday!! YAY!! They may find their way back tomorrow, but I'm soaking in the loss tonight!!

Going to take some tylenol and go to bed!! Toodles!

Happy Sunday and Weigh in Day

Hello there!! I weighed this morning and I'm down another pound. It seems like "just another pound" but hey - a pound is a pound! Especially, since I'm doing this all on my own - I have not had a fill and I feel like I could eat everything in sight!

Good news in the horizon: I'm going for my fill tomorrow! YAY!! I've been having dreams of port problems, so I hope it's just a dream (more like nightmare) and that like everything else, I'm overreacting!

More good news: As part of the "Bariatric Program" that I am part of at the surgery center, I have an appointment at the weight loss clinic on Thursday. I know I can't take the supplements and stuff, but it will be nice to have someone ELSE keep me in check. I'm hoping to learn lots of new recipes for success as well as some great exercise that can help get that scale moving down!!!

On the "coming out" front, I've decided to work my ass off (literally) until it's Christmas Pictures time and then I will take pictures and post them - there is already an obvious change, so I know by Christmas, I will be knocking the socks off of some non-believers!!!

Tears

I'm having a crap day. Full moon, end of cycle, all-out crap day, tears included. It will soon pass, I know.
So bad, that on my lunch break, I went to Target and got this:

My ball at home won't hold air, so either its old and leaking or my cat got a hold of it. Either way, I needed a new one and this one was on sale and I'm starting to feel really motivated about going home and getting on a schedule with this thing. A little bit each day, in addition to my biking in the evenings. I can do it!

On another note, I'm thinking of "coming out" about my band to everyone (like via FB). I'm only out to a few people at work, my immediate family and my students. Are you "out and about" about your band or are you keeping a secret too? I'm excited because I know a few people will become really great cheerleaders for me, but I know there will be some Negative Nancy who will ruin the whole thing. What say you??

Well crap!

All that antagonizing over my first fill and then I get a phone call this morning. It was the Nurse from my Doctor's office. An emergency has come up and he isn't having his clinic today. SO, I've been rescheduled until next week at 12:15. So, I have yet ANOTHER week to worry about it. Great. A few good things about it being postponed: Another week to eat crap (ha!), no more PMS by then.....that's all I can think of! But, I'm a bit discouraged now (insert PMS symptom here). Ugh.

Happy Frickin' Monday! :-/