Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Emotional Roller-Coaster - Stop the World, I want to get off.

Please forgive my absence. The last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster ride. I'm not sure why the last couple of weeks have been more emotional than the others, but I've been having a rough time. First, with getting stuck more often than before, really puts me in a Debbie Downer mood. Work has been crazy, with lots of emotions there. Then, there are the 5 Classes and 120 hour Internship that I am doing for school, which while this is my last quarter, with just over 8 more weeks until I graduate, I'm not sure that I'm going to remain sane the entire time.

Also, I have a few friends, well, really one in particular, that is going through a really hard time right now and while I'm (usually) always there for her, I feel that I cannot be there right now. We had a huge blowout and my feelings were really hurt and I can't seem to move past it. Then, I have a dirt-bag ex-husband that finds ways of making my life miserable, as well as a co-worker with the same traits. Then, I have my son, who while he is the apple of my eye, he's also the ulcer growing in my stomach. He is having a hard time in school, and I feel to blame, because I'm so busy with my work and school work, that I feel that I am not giving him the time he needs and deserves.

I'm also trying to train for a 2 mile run, and I'm just not progressing like I thought I would/should. I'm dying after only a few minutes and can't seem to get any better.

Anywho, while trying to make it seem like everything is fine and dandy on the outside, I feel that my soul is dying a slow and painful death. However, with that said, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, most days. I have come a long way and damn it, nothing is going to stop me now. I have just over 8 weeks left until I finish school (12/16), just over 4 weeks until my run, just under 6 weeks until my birthday, which is when I hope to hit 'One-derland'. Then, as a graduation present, I'm going on vacation to the mountains for an entire week. We rented a cabin in the mountains of NC, across the street from a river and I plan on fishing that river everyday with my son and hope and pray that the time together will make up for the previous 11 weeks before hand, during my insane last quarter of school.

On the upside, I have a (fairly) new friend that isn't a close friend, but close enough that she can 'see' what I'm going through and seems to know exactly what to say and when to say it, to keep me going. She has only known me since I started my Lap-Band journey, so she only knows the current struggles that I've been through, but there is just something about her that makes me smile.

Well, enough pity party for one day; I'm off to finish some homework. I hope to do an official weigh-in this weekend, followed by an update of how my running is going - hopefully, it will be a cheerier post than this one.

Hugs!!

3 comments:

  1. sounds like a lot of stress going on. some deep breaths are in order and I the cabin by the river sounds like a dream--you got this girl!

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  2. Sorry to hear about your struggles. You have got so much going on, no wonder you're feeling this way. Just keep thinking about the outcome. You will make it!! Good luck surviving these next weeks.

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